Pride Month, traditionally celebrated nationwide throughout the month of June, marks the anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall riots, while also serving as an initiative to celebrate all things LGBTQIA. It’s a reminder to everyone to be proud of who you are.
And what better thing to know about yourself — and be proud of it — is knowing once and for all if you are a top, bottom, or verse? Are you cake or frosting? Milk or cookies? Hot dog or doughnut? (Or hot dog and hot dog or doughnut and doughnut? Is it just us, or are you hungry too?)
When it comes to determining whether you are a top or bottom (or switch!), the first step is to understand the language. Truth be told, there is no singular definition accepted by everyone, but generally speaking and with consent always in mind, tops prefer to take a more active and controlling role during sex. Bottoms tend to be those who relinquish control during sex. Switches, also known as verses, are people who enjoy both, either during separate sexual encounters or even during the same session.
Answering these questions might help you get a better idea of your preferences.
How Do You Spend Alone Time?
You’re about to take matters into your own hands and satisfy yourself better than any lover
could. How do you set the mood? Do you dim the lights, light some scented candles, and use a flavored lubricant? (#LubeLife Pride Lube is Birthday-cake flavored and would be the perfect addition to this scenario, right?) Or do you turn on all the lights, position every mirror toward the bed, and give yourself sexy, smoldering looks while you indulge… yourself?!
When you explore your fantasies, you might find out more about your overall sexual preferences. If you enjoy the idea of being tied down while a lover explores your body, you could lean toward being a bottom. If you think about penetrating a lover while pinning their wrists behind their back, then you might have top tendencies.
What’s Your Favorite Dirty Word?
When you’re ready to start your latest make out session, do you like sweet nothings whispered in your ear? Or are you describing what you are going to do your partner in graphic, explicit details? Are you painfully shy, or does your swagger boast some Big Dick Energy? Does your make our playlist feature romantic ballads and classical music, or does heavy bass get your juices flowing?
Are You Making The First Move?
Time to start some heavy petting – kissing, groping, and some old fashioned grinding against one another never goes out of fashion. But do you prefer to be the grinder, or the grindee? Does a passionate kiss find you holding the sides of your partner’s head to control the kiss, or do you prefer to go weak in the knees and let your lover set the pace? Does the thought of having your wrists pinned together while you are pushed up against a wall make you swoon? Or do you bring your handcuffs to every special situation… just in case?
Are You a Giver or a Taker?
Ahhh, good old oral sex. In life, we know there are givers and takers – the same can be said when it comes to oral sex. Are you the type of person who sets up camp, ready to go down on a partner for hours at a time? Do you demand your partners eat at the Y before you’ll even consider penetration? Do you come armed with your own flavored lubricant, such as the #LubeLife Birthday Cake-flavored Lube, ready to give until it hurts? Or, are you happy to lie back and let the action come to you? Do you give as good as you receive, or are you a one thing – and one thing only – type of person?
Do the Details Matter to You?
It’s finally time to get down and dirty. Are you taking the lead, calling the shots and spearheading this adventure? Are you more comfortable hanging back, letting someone else lead the way? What do you think is the perfect place to have sex: In your lover’s bedroom, wherever you decide to have sex, or does it really matter where it happens? Do you always have to be on top, or are you open to trading positions based on what your partner likes?
And the Winner Is …
Tops are typically outgoing and enjoy taking a more active role in sex. They might prefer being the one who penetrates, gives oral sex, and being the one handcuffing or restraining a partner.
Bottoms tend to be more reserved and are willing to let someone else take the lead in – and sometimes even out – of the bedroom. They might not be the type to lie back and not participate at all, but they might want or expect the other person to initiate sex, tell them what to do and how to do it, and receive oral and/or penetration.
And switches are usually fine with taking the lead when they are in the mood or letting someone else call the shots. They might not care whether they dominate or are submissive. They could just be focused on pleasure, theirs and others.’
Chances are, everyone will fall under one label at some time or another in their sexual lifetime, but that doesn’t mean they will stay there. While it’s fairly common for someone’s sexual preferences to fall along the same lines as their personality traits, there’s no hard and fast rules about having to have the same preferences all the time. Just enjoy who you are and celebrate that.