How to Give a Good Blow Job

By: Syeda Khaula Saad

For decades, articles about “how to give a good blow job” pressured women into learning how to perform rather than connecting with their partner. But giving good head isn’t just about deep throating or being as sloppy as possible, it’s about finding pleasure in pleasing your partner (and maybe even feeling a little powerful along the way).

When you have a penis, getting a blow job can feel good for a multitude of reasons. At its core, it’s a wet, warm mouth (with a bunch of nerve endings) on a part of your that also has a lot of nerve endings. Simple math. But sex educator and relationship coach Dakota Ramppen explains that there’s a psychological layer to it as well. 

“Being tended to, the idea of being served, watched, and touched in such an intimate way can make people feel desired as hell. That mix of physical sensation, ego boost, and vulnerability is what hits.”

GOING BACK TO THE BASICS

Whether you’ve never given a blow job before or you’re just looking to go back to the basics, Dakota suggests doing something you probably wouldn’t expect: starting with your hands.

Sure, oral definitely implies a mouth-focused experience, but warming up the shaft and using lube can be a great way to get things going. 

After that, you want to go in with your tongue first: “Make slow circles on the tip and around the shaft with your tongue. Tease it and have fun!”

And then finally, the mouth comes into play. Once you’ve put your mouth around your partner’s penis, don’t just take it all in at once. Instead, Dakota suggests consistent pressure and smooth motion. When you want to switch it up a bit, continue moving your hand up and down the shaft while moving your head in a circular motion.

“What your mouth can’t take, your hand handles,” Dakota says. “Breathe out as the penis enters your mouth and in as the penis exits your mouth.”

HOW TO GO FROM GOOD TO "OH GOD"

Now that you know the basics, it’s time for what you’re really here for: how to give head so good you’ll have their toes curling. You may think this is about pulling out some sort of extremely hard athletic move, but really it’s just about consistency. 

“People obsess over techniques, but it’s really about staying present, not rushing, and reading their cues. Intention matters,” Dakota says. “If you want to be there, it shows.”
And one way to really “be there”? Moaning.

“The vibration alone feels incredible, and the sound hits just as hard.”

And if you’re looking for that extra umph, a few small additions can go a long way. First, Dakota suggests using your non-dominant hand as “support” while giving head. 

“Place your hand or fingers on the balls, perineum, lower abdomen, thigh rubs… it amplifies everything.”

Another way to turn up the heat? Try actually turning up the heat. Temperature play is a really fun way to switch up sensations for your partner. Whether you try putting an ice cube in your mouth or blowing warm breath on your partner’s penis, they’ll be pleasantly surprised by the delicious feeling (just make sure to get their consent first!). 

Whenever you’re tempted to pick up the speed, remember that going faster doesn’t necessarily mean giving a better blow job. “Most people actually want firmer suction, slower rhythm,” Dakota says.

 

COMMON BLOW JOB MISTAKES

If you’re communicative with your partner about what they want, there’s really no “wrong” way to give a blow job. But by trying too hard to impress someone or look “sexy,” you could end up with an experience that neither you or your partner enjoys.

Sure, using your teeth by mistake can really suck, but Dakota says that some of the biggest BJ mistakes she sees happen when people don’t take their time to put intention into oral sex.

“Anything that’s disconnected, rushed, or done with zero awareness” typically leads to a not-so-great blowjob. 

“A ‘bad’ [blowjob] isn’t about skill,” Dakota explains. “It’s about being checked out, ignoring feedback, using too many teeth unintentionally, or making the other person feel like it’s a chore. Energy matters.”

So remember to stay present, consistent, and in tune with your partner’s body. You’ll both enjoy the sex a lot more if you do.

 

BEST LUBES FOR ORAL SEX

Just because a blowjob is intended to pleasure your partner doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be having fun too! If you’re not big on oral sex (or just want to amp up the experience), flavored lube is always a great way to enhance the taste and try something new. Here are some great lubes for you to try next time you’re going down. 

• Peaches and Cream Anal Delight If you're feeling adventurous and your mouth makes it to the backdoor, Peaches and Cream is the perfect oral delight for both ends.
• Birthday Cake Water-Based Flavored Lubricant Who said you can only have birthday cake once a year?
• Piña Colada Water-Based Flavored Lubricant If you’re craving something tropical, the Pina Colada Lube will make it feel like you’re on vacation.
• Watermelon Water-Based Flavored Lubricant Remember when you’d always reach for that Watermelon-flavored popsicle? This is basically the same thing.