From dead bedrooms to stagnation, you'll find a lot of advice that discusses problems that can arise with sex and partners involved. Your chances of having great sex will skyrocket if you’re proactive and informed bout your pleasure. And once you master these secrets to a great sex life, you'll surely want to spread the word!
Think Beyond Intercourse
To many people, "sex" is synonymous with intercourse. But this definition has some limitations beyond the fact that it implies people who can't or don't have penetrative sex aren't actually having sex. Even if you do like intercourse, you might find yourself cramped by the idea that it's the only real type of sex. After all, it paints every other kind of sexual activity as less than something to get through as an obligation or to ignore entirely. It's the basis of a sexual script that can be mundane or unsatisfying.
Furthermore, painting intercourse as the pinnacle of sex can be problematic especially if penetration is difficult or impossible for one partner. Many couples discover this after injury, illness, pregnancy, menopause, or even plain old age interferes with their ability to get hard or wet. Medications can even add to the problem.
Changing your definition of what counts as sex, including when it starts and ends, can reignite the spark in your sex life even if you don't have any performance issues. It can also help you stop being so goal-oriented if you focus less on orgasm and more on pleasure.
Put Your Mind to Work
All too often, people expect they--or their partners--should be able to get into the mood immediately. And if they can't? Something must be wrong. But that's not a reality for most people, and it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It just means you need to engage your mind to get your body ready without relying solely on visuals such as porn or novelty, i.e., new relationship energy to do the work for you.
You have plenty of fun options when it comes to getting your head in the game. Reading--or writing--erotica, fantasizing about previous encounters, envisioning what you want your next encounter to be like, and inviting your partner in on the fun through texting can all get the ideas and juices flowing.
Stay in the Moment
Chances are if you have trouble staying in the moment, you're already aware of--and perhaps frustrated by--it. It's not easy to focus on the now when tomorrow's to-do list is already demanding your attention. It's especially disappointing when you'd rather be connecting with your partner, especially if you don't often have time to do so.
The best way to remain in the moment is to improve your mindfulness overall. You'll find it easily translates to sex. However, shutting yourself off from the world and easing into the mood, perhaps through sensual massage, can help push intrusive thoughts out of your head. And #LubeLife's silicone-based lube can double as a massage oil.
Finally, focus on the sensations to get out of your head and into your body. Go beyond what you feel and see. Of course, if you still need a little help, #LubeLife is always there for you. Keep a bottle on hand to ensure you're never left out to dry.
We know, we know, scheduling sex doesn't sound sexy. But having scheduled sex is a lot more fun than letting the days, weeks, or even months pass by without a romp because you didn't prioritize it. Now, some people misunderstand what it means to schedule sex. It doesn't mean that you're guaranteed to have sex at 9M on Saturday. Instead, it means you're clearing your schedule to spend time with your partner without being rushed, and you can choose to have sex if you want. If not, you can enjoy spending time together.
Of course, you shouldn't be surprised if looking forward to this "date" has you all fired up by the time it rolls around (that's part of engaging the mind, as we mentioned before). You may not want your session to end. Remember to keep things slick with your #LubeLife lube for longer and more satisfying sex.
The final bit of advice you need to have better sex will serve you well whether you're new to sex or have been enjoying it for decades: communication. Unfortunately, too few people talk about sex often or healthily enough. But sex requires vulnerability, including opening yourself open by talking about it. It's the best way to get the great sex you want, fix problems in the bedroom, and ensure you're on the same page with your partner.
While the idea of talking about sex can be intimidating, the act doesn't have to be. Discussing your desires can help you learn more about yourself and your partner, ultimately making you feel closer. Plus, it can be a turn-on to discuss sexual desires and fantasies!
- Do it in a neutral time and place where your partner isn't likely to be intimidated.
- Assume your partner will be receptive. Don't be defensive.
- Invite your partner to discuss their thoughts, feelings, fantasies, and desires.
- Avoid judging anything your partner says.
- Be specific about what you want. Don't make your partner guess or let their imagination run away from you.
- Consider apps or other communication tools that make things easier.
- Talk about sex early in your relationship--and often.
- Don't give ultimatums. Consider compromise.
- Back off if things become tense.
- Remember that your sex life is something you build with a partner.
There you have it: the five secrets to great sex. And if you're always doing one or a few of these things? Keep up the great work. Why not spread the good word? There's no reason these things need to be kept secret!