By #LubeLife Team | March 9, 2020
Oh, love. It makes people climb mountains, swim with sharks or even jump on Oprah’s couch. The concept of love and how it works has been explored on hundreds of reality shows from “The Bachelor” to “Flavor of Love”. Often duplicated, this formula has led to incredible unions and disastrous break ups. Netflix’s smash hit, “Love is Blind” added a fresh perspective to the dating genre by keeping contestants sequestered, basing their connections on emotion.
With this program, Netflix breathed new life into the age-old question, is love truly blind?
While there are psychological studies dedicated to proving or debunking this theory, we believe there are reasons why love can and cannot be blind.
Three Reasons Why Love Is Blind
Love is a Feeling
When the average person describes love, they tend to use adjectives such as “blissful”, “passionate”, “exciting” and, “tender”. Did you notice how none of those words had anything to do with physical appearance or the amount of money in a person’s bank account? Often studied and debated, many end with the same conclusion: love is an unexplainable feeling.
Ask yourself this: have you ever felt instantly connected to someone? While the term “soulmate” sounds dramatic, there are thousands upon thousands of people who swear by this idea. From knowing what the other person is going to say before they say it to feeling as though you’ve met in a previous life, there may be unknown forces at play. Just like me and popcorn, sometimes you just know.
The Heart Wants What It Wants
Webster’s dictionary defines the word “blind” as “unable to see, unable to notice or judge something, accepting the actions or decisions of someone without questions or criticism.”
In the dating world, there are many cases of people letting their heart lead the way. For those who listen to their heart, it can lead to a person you may never have considered if the superficial was emphasized. That reminds me, the producers of “The Bachelor” are coming out with a new show called “Listen to Your Heart” which combines love and music. Let’s see how that one goes.
According to Psychology Today, lovers often blind themselves to their beloved’s negative traits to maintain the image of an ideal mate. How often have we seen a seemingly put-together person fall for someone that does not match their public persona? Whether it’s Sandy turning bad for Danny Zuko or Fred Armisen and Natasha Lyonne (I know), the heart leads while the mind goes on an extended vacation.
You’re Ready To Fall In Love
As cliché as it sounds, sometimes you meet the right person at the right time. Whether due to age or professional success, there comes a time in most people’s lives when the idea of “settling down” becomes less of an afterthought and more of a priority. As much as love is a feeling, it’s also a mindset. Just like preparing to run a marathon, you must prepare to find and accept love.
While many people think they know exactly what they want and write those characteristics in their “perfect person checklist”, love has a way of taking that list and shredding. Once you’re ready to leave your bachelor days behind, the result of this new mindset may result in a surprising conclusion.
“Love is Blind” exemplified this notion by taking people who were ready to find love and giving them a safe space to explore that desire.
Alright, now that we have the mushy stuff out of the way, it’s time to get real.
But #LubeLife, you just spent so much time convincing me that love is blind.
I know. I know. And while that may be true, my inner cynic has come out and has a lot to say.
Three Reasons Why Love Is Not Blind
There Are Too Many Fish In The Sea
One important factor when it comes to love is scarcity. On shows like “The Bachelor” for example, you have 25 plus women vying for the heart of one man. Under a pressurized and high stakes environment, it becomes a lot easier to bypass your standards in exchange for a rose. “Love is Blind” is another example of scarcity not only in the availability of contestants but in the allotted time for conversation. When it feels like someone is stepping on your neck, you’re more likely to submit to their demands.
In the real world, most people don’t multi-date. When the conversations become one-on-one and both parties involved share equal power, it’s much easier to nitpick and find flaws in the person you’re dating. And even for those who do multi-date, they normally aren’t juggling 20 plus people at one time. If you are, that’s a whole other problem worth addressing.
It’s what I call “deserted island syndrome”. Not that this would ever happen to you (but if it has please tell me more), but if you’re stuck on a deserted island and after a few weeks, you finally find another human, the bond you share grows quickly because of limited access. However, if a cruise ship shows up the next day, that bond weakens as you get to know more people.
The Fairy Tale Is Not Achievable
At one point in your life, you’ve seen a movie that ended with “and they lived happily ever after.” While stories created in the early 20th century have good intentions, meeting someone that completely sweeps you off your feet isn’t practical in the modern world. With things like student loan debt, mortgages, and an unstable job market. There are many non-romantic factors that go into picking the ideal mate.
Financial strain is one of the leading causes of divorce. While sometimes unfair, the person you love may not reciprocate your feelings because of the bigger implications of that union. If Cinderella lived in modern times, the Prince would have asked for her credit score, means of income, and how much she could contribute to monthly rent and castle maintenance fees.
Appearance Matters...At Least Initially
No matter how you spin it, appearance is always a touchy subject. Although it sounds ridiculously shallow, looks do matter. While there are several other factors that lead to sexual attraction, it goes without saying that you must be physically attracted to someone before wanting to pursue a more intimate relationship. When you first meet someone, the way they look is the first barometer by which to judge them.
Many people also find those that take care of themselves by going to the gym, maintaining grooming standards, and dressing appropriately as an indication of how they feel about themselves. Even the way that a person stands can dramatically change their appearance.
For example, picture two men of equal height and build walking down the street. One man is hunched and stares at his shoes while the other walks with his shoulders back and looks directly ahead. Ten times out of ten, the person with better posture will draw attention.
So, what do you think?
“Love is Blind” has restructured the way many people approach and think about love. Love is often viewed as a phenomenon that happens without much thought or preparation. And while love is illogical, making sure that your partner stays in love with you takes careful planning.
A key tenant of careful planning is the use of the right equipment. For those who don’t know, lube is an essential yet overlooked component of creating the perfect atmosphere for intimacy. With lubes that range from water-based to flavored, any couple can find the perfect accessory to keep their partner satisfied. Love and lube, the ultimate combination.
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Before we part, I’ll leave you with this question; would you date someone without being able to see them until the proposal?
If You’d Like More Advice On Lube Read 7 Ways Sex Is Worse Without Lube